


Lights

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Chapter 2 gets dark but chapter 3 should help, Dubious Consent, M/M, Making Out, Religious Themes, Some daddy kink, Therapy, Trauma, canon typical spookiness, just a little exorcism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-06 05:17:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12810441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: Shane and Ryan in another haunted house when the camera's off...  Not everything is what it seems.Please heed the tags.





	1. The Sound that Ryan Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Ryan in another haunted house when the camera's off... You know the drill.
> 
> Rating may go up in future chapters.

“Shane,” Ryan grunted, eyes flitting open and scanning the darkness past where Shane was currently nestled on top of him in their nest of conjoined sleeping bags and pillows. He was trying to crane his neck to hear if maybe he’d heard something but that was a task easier said than done as his boyfriend was currently latched to his neck, making loud kissing sounds in the quiet of the room, completely unperturbed by any potential ghosts.

  
“Shane.” “Hmm.” “Shane, listen.” There was the sound of Shane’s lips popping off of where they had been sucking a bruise in the crook of his neck and shoulder, likely leaving a mark he’d see in the morning. His lips were shiny in the low light, and his eyes were dark and heavily lidded. “Yeah, baby?”

  
“I thought I heard a noise.”

“Did it sound anything like…” he leant in and made a suctioning sound against Ryan’s cheek, making the smaller man laugh despite his nerves, “Don’t be a dick.” “Hmm...Don’t be a dick, but, suck your dick, right?”

  
He couldn’t help wheezing with laughter at that, “God, you’re an idiot when you’re horny.”

  
Shane had a sly smile that definitely did not negate his statement in any way whatsoever as he reached for his boyfriend’s hands, pulling his arms above his head by his wrists before holding them both in one stupidly large hand, “Good thing that ghosts aren’t real then, huh, baby?”

  
Ryan squirmed beneath him, feeling that Shane was being more than unfair, “You’re sending me...a very conflicting message right now,” he panted.

  
Shane slotted his thigh between Ryan’s and pressed, just so, causing Ryan to keen into him, “I don’t think I’m sending a conflicting message at all.”

  
“Oh yeah?” Ryan kept going, his stubbornness keeping him from giving in, “Cause I think you just said I was stupid.”

  
Shane looked to the dusty rafters of the attic they were staying in for support before looking back down at his ridiculous ghost-hunting boyfriend, “I’m just saying...I don’t want to be cockblocked by something... that doesn’t exist.”

  
Ryan’s lips twinged upward despite his best efforts, “Maybe I don’t want to be killed by a vengeful ghost in the middle of having sex, is all that I’m saying.”

  
“You think the ghost is a prude?”

  
“Or...maybe just homophobic.”

  
“Hmm.”

  
“Yeah, did you consider that?” Ryan asked, a triumphant grin on his face.

  
“You want me to turn the camera back on?” Shane threw back. “Maybe we’ll draw his attention,” he kissed Ryan messily, interrupting him before he could say anything else. “If you’re right,” Shane continued between open-mouth kisses against Ryan’s jaw, “then we have proof! Ghost on camera, drawn by it’s intolerance for gay sexy-times…”

Ryan was having a hard time focusing on what Shane was saying, leaning up into his oafish boyfriend’s beardy kisses, but still had to ask, “And if I’m wrong?”

  
Shane pulled back, hair mussed and eyes wild with mischief, letting go of Ryan’s wrists in order to make jazz hands in front of his face, “Sex tape, baby.”

  
“You....are the worst.”

  
“Mm..you like it,” Shane murmured, going back to his place at Ryan’s neck.

  
“Shane.”

  
“Mm.”

  
“Shane,” Ryan muttered, squirming more insistently.

  
Shane pulled back, looking only slightly chagrined. “Do you want me to stop?”

  
Ryan hesitated: “No, n-not exactly...maybe just check that there's nothing in the hall?”

  
Shane sighed, looking like leaving their impromptu nest was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. “Would that make you feel better?”

  
Ryan felt shame tinge his cheeks, but nodded, “S-sorry, I don't mean to be like this…”

  
Shane pushed back Ryan's hair and kissed his forehead soundly, “‘s alright, baby, daddy’ll take care of it for you,” before forcing his bones to move outside of their cozy fort, and leaving Ryan blushing furiously behind him.

  
“That’s not…” Ryan cleared his voice when it squeaked and started again as he watched Shane’s retreating form. “That’s not something we say now!”

Shane turned on his heel, putting a finger to his lips in an exaggerated way, “Shh, daddy’s looking for ghosts.”

  
“.....you’re an asshole.”

  
Shane’s laugh could be heard as he went into the hall, with receding footsteps. Ryan sat up, hand on his flashlight, anxiety in the way he held his hands.

  
The moment drew on, making Ryan tense, until...there was a thump.

  
“Shane?” he called out, with no response.

  
Ryan stood, shoulders up and tense, eyes wide. “Shane?”

  
“Are you fucking with me? Shane?”

  
Ryan crept closer, heart in his throat as he pushed the door open wider, peering down the long hallway.

  
On the floor in the middle of the hall was Shane’s flashlight, pointed at another door, and into the darkness that would envelop him.


	2. The Darkness Within is Not Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finds Shane in the dark, or something that seems to be Shane.  
> (Trigger Warning!: This is going to delve into becoming very dubcon, no actual intercourse will happen but Demon!Shane is not a good guy.)

Every footstep made a creak as Ryan braved the long hallway towards where Shane had disappeared. The shadows were long and the darkness was thick. Ryan knew Shane didn't believe in the supernatural, but the atmosphere felt thicker as he got closer: weighty.

The only thing he had on him was a little vial of holy water in the back of his pocket, just in case. He knew Shane would laugh at him for that, but it gave him a little comfort now.  

His steps were slow, and he felt the telltale signs of a headache coming on. Could it be chalked up to nerves? Some of it surely could. Ryan thought he might throw up.   
"Shane?" he tried again, his voice warbling as he made it to the doorway illuminated only by Shane's abandoned flashlight. 

He stopped to pick it up, feeling anxious tears begin to pinprick at his eyes. 

He pointed the flashlight upward as he stood and abruptly startled at the figure of a tall man in front of him. 

"Jesus!" Ryan cried out as he stumbled backwards into the wall. "Shane, what the hell?"

“Good lord,” Shane laughed, as Ryan felt the bottom of his stomach drop out from beneath him. From this angle the light cast creepy shadows on the taller man’s face, making his bone structure look more skull-like, and casting his eyes into sunken pits.

Despite the initial panic, Ryan's fear gave way to embarrassment and he whacked his boyfriend in the arm with his flashlight, "Why the hell didn't you say anything?" "Ow." "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" "You're adorable." 

Ryan was about to whack him again out of pure frustration but Shane caught him by the wrist. "I'm not being-" Ryan attempted to pull his hand away but found that he couldn't. His arm was caught, vicelike, in Shane's grip.

"Shane," he huffed, attempting to yank it and that's when things got a bit weirder. 

Shane was bigger than him, that was true, and okay, maybe they both got off on Shane holding him down when they had sex sometimes (or a lot of the time) but that didn't mean that Ryan couldn't take him in a fight (something they'd had endless hypothetical arguments about, especially before they were dating). When it came to pure size and wiry strength, Shane had him beat. He could go boneless and crush Ryan at times, he could even pick him up with those biceps of his (which made their love life more interesting that was for sure). But he'd never been able to make Ryan do something he didn't want to do before, or maybe he'd never tried. 

From the angle his wrist was holding the flashlight it continued to cast dark shadows on Shane's face so it looked almost unrecognizable, like a pale, creepy mask with dark pools for eyes and a wide, sharky grin. With his other hand he tried to wrench his wrist free from Shane's grip but the hand was iron-clad around his wrist, and the grip got tighter until it _hurt_ and he yelped, dropping the flashlight so it rolled next to Shane's on the ground. "Shane, Shane, cut it out! You're hurting me." 

"Oh, you don't like it when I'm rough with you?" Shane's voice was low and weird sounding, like he was affecting a different accent, but not one of the goofy ones he usually did, and it just sounded _off._  Ryan couldn't even see him, but found himself being pushed against the wall. The hand on his chest might as well have been a boulder holding him in place, and Ryan felt his mouth run dry in panic. "Shane, what's happening right now?" 

Shane's mouth was on his neck like it had been earlier, but it felt like a stranger's bristly kisses, a stranger's teeth on his neck, bitting too hard and sloppily, he tried to push him off, but then there was hand in his hair, pulling his head up to expose his neck further. He whined in distress, "Shane, stop, just for a second, please." 

"You know, it's been a long time for me," the voice continued, and Ryan felt his blood run cold. They'd had sex this morning, he didn't know what Shane was talking about. There was no teeth now, but a loud inhale, as though Shane was sniffing him, between the part where his neck met his shoulder. "I guess I forgot what it was like. I'm not always keen on men, but you smell gorgeous." That stung, and would have hurt more if it had sounded like Shane....but the voice's laugh couldn't have sounded further from his boyfriend's and despite himself Ryan felt desperate tears well up in his eyes, "Shane, w-what are you talking about? Stop, it, you're creeping me out." What was worse, Ryan had the distinctly odd impression that he wasn't even talking to him. 

 "I think it has a lot to do with this guy right here, god he came to me hornier than a bitch in heat...not sure I'll keep him, but I think I'm going to like this." A hand began to rub against his crotch, "Come on baby," the voice crooned, and Ryan's fight or flight instinct kicked back into high gear. He pulled his head back as far as he could and knocked his skull against Shane's, resulting in a satisfying crack. "Fuck!" the voice cried out in momentary anguish, letting him go and Ryan stumbled over himself to grab one of the two flashlights from the dusty floor and began to run. 

Shane was faster.

The man had longer legs anyway, but Shane was moving impossibly fast now. Ryan had just made it inside when he was tackled to the floor, arms around his legs, Ryan's flashlight hitting the floor and rolling away from him to the corner of the room. Ryan screamed and kicked back, hard, scrambling for his phone which was just out of reach. The flashlight made Shane's shadow enormous and terrifying as he pulled Ryan under him, flipping him so he was on his back and holding his hands above his head, parodying the move Shane had done earlier. Maybe the light was playing tricks on him but Shane's eyes were completely black now, and blood was dripping from where Ryan had likely broken his nose, covering his mouth and dripping on top of where Ryan lay beneath him, and he wasn't even out of breath. 

"You are feisty, aren't you? He said as much. I like it," he said, before pushing his mouth against Ryan's, smearing blood into his mouth so it tasted like copper. Ryan tried to bite his tongue when it was pushed into his mouth, but the hands on his wrists gripped tighter until Ryan's mouth went open in a grunt of pain and Shane shoved his tongue inside. 

Ryan was trying not to go into shock at this point, but he knew where this was headed. There was a familiar hardness against his hip, and the man that wasn't Shane was grinding slowly down against him. Tears began to stream down his face, and the man pulled back to kiss his cheeks, sounding stern, "It didn't have to go this way, baby. You made it so much harder on yourself." 

"You're not Shane," Ryan choked out, and the voice laughed, cruelly at him, "It took you long enough to figure that out. Don't worry, I still have all the same equipment he was packing from before.. I won't ask for nothing you haven't done for him, love."

Ryan's tears began to flow more quickly now at the confirmation, more terrified by the potential thought that Shane was gone forever than whatever this demonic fucker could do to him. "Did you kill him?"  

"No, no, that's not how this works, darling," he said, almost reassuringly, "Though if I rent out this space long enough he might become a vegetable..." there was that terrifying grin of his again, and Ryan let out a sob. "Now, now, he's still with us yet. Maybe I'll letcha talk to him if you're a good little boy. Isn't that what you want?" 

Despite himself, Ryan nodded tearfully.

Not-Shane leant in and kissed his tear-stained cheeks, his voice still foreign enough to ruin any illusion of it being his boyfriend. "Now let's be a brave boy for daddy, okay? He's watching." 

The demon began to kiss him again, and this time Ryan complied, not wanting to ruin his chances to speak to Shane. He could only imagine how difficult this was for his boyfriend, trapped inside his head. When the demon began to kiss his neck, Ryan felt the need to console him, "Shane, I love you," he choked out, "If you can hear me, I....I forgive you."  Unperturbed, the demon began grinding Ryan into the floorboards, something made more uncomfortable by the vial pressing into his butt cheek. Suddenly, Ryan remembered it. The holy water.

Then there was that hand again, attempting to go back and grab at his ass, pressing his cock against Ryan's thigh through his jeans. "Wait," he pulled away from the kiss, "We need...." Ryan had only one shot at this, he knew, or it was going to get a lot worse for them both. "I-I have lube," he stammered, flushing darkly. "Ohhh, Look who's eager now?" the demon said with a smirk. 

"Let me grab it, it's in my pocket," Ryan said slowly, and the demon let go of his hands to let him reach for it, and he pulled out the vial, careful not to let Shane look at it. He wasn't sure if the demon could hear Shane's thoughts. "Here, let me..." The demon gave Ryan an appraising look, and Ryan knew he might take it from him if he didn't think quick. "Lemme do it for you, daddy," he said in a high, breathless voice that worked on Shane, and sure enough, he saw the man's grin become more lecherous. "Alright, baby. Let's see what you can do," the demon said, leaning back on his elbows so that Ryan could pull out his dick out of his jeans, watching him with hooded eyes.

With a quiet apology to Shane, Ryan uncapped the bottle, pouring the smallest of amounts of the precious holy water in his hand and then gripped his cock, _hard_. The demon screamed, (as maybe Shane might have been wont to do anyway with the grip he had on it) but Ryan watched in amazement as dark steam poured through his fingers around Shane's appendage before the taller man fell his ass and this time Ryan didn't run away.

Ryan pushed him on his back and sat heavily on his chest, "This is for Shane," he said breathlessly and poured it across Shane's face. Watching his boyfriend's face contort in agony was horrific to him but those dark eyes were not Shane's so he didn't stop, going as far as to pour the remaining drops in Shane's mouth. Dark smoke was oozing out of every crevice and pore, and in that moment Ryan remembered what Father Thomas had told him about authority. He had the authority now, and he wasn't going to have a better moment than this: "This is not your body. You don't get to mess with me or my boyfriend.." Not-Shane let out a pitiful moan, but Ryan held firm, meeting his eyes, seeing the darkness that remained, "Get back to hell. Get! OUT!" the last line was very nearly roared, Ryan's eyes wide with fury at what this creature had tried to do to him, to his boyfriend, to them both.   
For a moment the air smelled like sulfur, suffocating and rancid, but then, it was gone. Shane's eyes rolled back in his head, and he was out cold. 

"Shane?" Ryan was quick to get off his chest, and leant down to check for a pulse. "Oh thank God," Ryan muttered to himself when he saw Shane was still breathing, and he carefully helped tuck Shane's now flaccid cock back into his pants to avoid hurting him when he woke up. "Shane? Are you...." 

Shane's eyes fluttered open and he gasped like he was coming up for air, wide eyed and befuddled, and even looking like shit with crusty blood on his face and wild hair and panicking eyes Ryan knew it was him. The pressure he'd been feeling was gone too, the air felt easier to breathe. "Oh my god, Shane," Ryan sobbed, and he fell to Shane's chest, sobbing into his shirt. "Ryan?" Shane sounded timid and uncertain, and when Ryan looked up he saw that there were tears streaking down his face, too. "Ryan, I'm so....Jesus, I'm so...." he stammered and then he was crying harder, pressing the heel of his hands into his eyes, his shoulders wracked with sobs. Heart in his throat, Ryan scooped his sobbing boyfriend into his arms and cradled him close, burying his face in Shane's neck.

They both held one another in the dark quiet room for a long, long time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst. I swear I'll write fluff to make up for it. 
> 
> Sorry Ryan. You're still a badass. 
> 
> Probably going to have a third and final chapter where they deal with the fall out of what happened, but I've got finals, baby! Lemme know if you're interested in this, might help motivate me.


	3. The Light Within (I Know It's There)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane's not been the same since that night and Ryan's had enough.

Ryan was sitting in his car parked out front of Buzzfeed HQ for about twenty minutes after work, quietly counting the beads on the rosary hung from his mirror, before he saw him.

Shane was finally exiting the building with his hat pulled down low over his head, obscuring his face along with his sunglasses, casually walking towards home. No, not this time. Ryan's jaw set in determination before he put the keys in the ignition and started it up, backing out and slowly approaching his boyfriend on the sidewalk.

Shane was doing a good job of pretending not to notice him, but Ryan wasn't playing games anymore. With a mechanical whir the window rolled down, "Get in the car," he said point-blankly. Any other time and that would have made Shane laugh, maybe make a joke about being kidnapped by aliens or the government or some shit but Shane didn't even look at him. "Ryan, I can walk-" "Get in the car." "Ryan-" "This is not up for debate, get in the fucking car."

His shoulders were tense but Shane finally caved, walking around the back of his car before getting into the passenger seat. If things felt awkward it was mostly because they hadn't talked in almost two weeks. And not because of Ryan, that was for fucking certain. Shane had been avoiding him like the plague.

"So," Shane began after a moment of tense silence, still looking like he might bolt at any moment. Ryan wasn't having that. He put the car in park, leant over and buckled Shane in. Ryan hesitated a moment, then took the rosary off his front mirror and hung it around Shane's neck. He watched Shane stiffen, the tendons in his neck working a moment. Any other time and Shane might have took it off. Hell, he looked like he wanted to rip it off, but he didn't. "Ryan," he said lowly, "What-" "We're going to church." Shane finally turned in his seat to look at him, brow furrowed behind his sunglasses. " _What?"_ "We're going to church. Take off your stupid hat and sunglasses, it's disrespectful." 

As Ryan drove down the block he was silently amazed at how Shane obeyed him, setting both objects in his lap. "Is this....really necessary?" Shane asked when they hit a red light, and Ryan looked over to see Shane fingering the ruby cross.

"Yes." 

Shane didn't ask any other questions the whole way there. 

"Isn't this Father Thomas' church?" Shane asked as they entered the sanctuary, and Ryan only hummed in response, leading Shane to one of the first rows in the building. It was quiet, just outside the sun was going down, causing the church's stain glass windows to cast warm light on them as Ryan kneeled on the prayer bench, folding his hands in front of him. Shane hesitated, looking uncertain and gawky in the aisle next to him.

"Kneel down," Ryan told him, and so he did. Shane folded his hands in front of him, mimicking Ryan, and stared at his white-knuckled grasp.

"Ryan..." Shane started but Ryan hushed him before whispering back at him.

  
"Shane, just...pray. It's not hard. Just gather your thoughts, we have a meeting with the father in ten minutes."

Shane set his jaw in silent frustration but obeyed. He didn't have anything against God or church in general, it had just never been his thing before. He wouldn't shit on Ryan's religion, but he wouldn't "partake" per-say, unless it was rude not to. 

He didn't believe in God, but, shit. He had never believed in demons before, either. 

******

That night in the house was one of the most horrifying experiences, no,  _the_ most horrifying moment of his life. The only thing that could possibly top it was what happened when they got back to the hotel.

He and Ryan were both exhausted in that bone-dry, dehydrated, emotionally drained sort of way as they'd stumbled into their hotel room around three or four in the morning. Shane had hesitated at their bed but Ryan had pulled him in with him, wrapping Shane around him like a protective blanket. They left the light on.

Ryan had fallen asleep surprisingly quickly, but Shane had a hard time sleeping. While he couldn't remember everything that had gone on that night he could still hear that voice in his head, telling him how much he wanted this, how much he wanted to use Ryan all along, that all that demons could do was bring to light your darkest thoughts, your truest ambitions. Shane's jaw was set and he pulled Ryan tighter against himself. He refused to believe that was true. He couldn't give in to a fucking demon, that was ridiculous. 

He was nearly asleep himself when he heard a sound and realized that his boyfriend was whimpering in his sleep and shivering like a leaf. Pulling the blanket up higher over him he tried to soothe his shaking boyfriend when he realized Ryan was sleep talking.

"No. Please, don't," Ryan was whimpering. "Please." 

Shane felt his blood run cold, "Ryan," he whispered, trying to shake him awake.

"Please, no...."

"Ryan, wake up." Shane pulled away from him, leaning up on his elbows over Ryan to wake him, shaking him more firmly, "Ryan, Ryan, you're having a nightmare."

Ryan's eyes flew open, a look of sheer panic on his face. Instead of growing more relaxed at seeing Shane hovering over him like he was most nights,he flinched and _screamed,_ a terrible, blood-curdling scream, curling in on himself. Horrified, Shane tried to touch his shoulder, "Ryan, it's me!"

"Don't touch me, please, don't..." Ryan had sobbed, and Shane, hit by a wave of guilt-inducing nausea, had stumbled from the bed into the bathroom and threw up. 

It was a rough night, to say the least. Ryan had apologized tearfully in the morning before they flew home but Shane couldn't look at him anymore without hearing those screams ringing in his ear.

******

He believed in something now. If there was that  _thing_ -that thing that was somehow defeated with holy water, his mind reminded him-then maybe he should be paying this God a little more respect. 

What was more, he would do anything for Ryan, to keep him safe. 

He watched Ryan out of the corner of his eye, they were almost shoulder to shoulder at the pew. Ryan's eyes were screwed tightly shut and he was praying softly, mouth moving in an unreadable, unending plea to the all-Father. What was he asking for? Redemption? A savior from...him? 

Shane's stomach churned uncomfortably. "Jesus," he muttered under his breath. His eyes tore away from Ryan to look ahead, directly at a stain-glassed crucifixion scene. "I don't know what I believe anymore," he whispered. 

There was the sound of swishing fabric and he turned around to see Father Thomas approaching them. "Shane, Ryan," he said softly in greeting, getting Ryan's attention from his prayers. "Whenever you're ready." 

Ryan looked at Shane who found it hard to keep his gaze, looking away. "We're ready," Ryan said tightly, and they stood, following him into his office. 

There was a familiar figure waiting for them inside. "Father Carlos," Ryan said in surprise. Shane stiffened when he saw him, but Ryan was guided into the adjoining room before they could talk, "I think we should let them have some time alone," Thomas was saying, and Shane saw a flash of uncertainty in his boyfriend's eyes before they were separated with the closing of a door. 

"So," Father Carlos said quietly, causing Shane's head to swivel back around, focusing on the father's grim face. "Maybe now you'll take me a little more seriously, hmm?" 

*****

Ryan didn't like being separated from Shane during this, but Father Thomas continued to assure him that this was for Shane's own good. He thought he heard some sort of commotion coming from the other room and made to stand but the father's hand on his stopped him, "let it be, Ryan. I promise you, Father Carlos only has Shane's best interests in mind." 

Ryan felt a thickness in his throat and nodded, eyes stinging. "Fuck," he said under his breath, and then winced when he cursed in church. "Sorry-" his voice cracked, and he wiped a hand over his face, trying to pull himself together. "I'm sorry. I just..." the lump in his throat got larger. "....it's been really hard." 

Father Thomas' sympathetic face grew closer as he drew his chair up to meet Ryan's, taking his hands in his own, "You're allowed to cry, Ryan. No one is going to judge you." 

Ryan's face crumpled in on itself at those words, tears streaming down his face. Father Thomas released his hands so Ryan could cover his face, allowing him a moment of privacy. A moment later and a kleenex box was pressed into his hands, "thanks," he sniffed, blowing into the tissue. "God, I'm a wreck," he said self-deprecatingly, smiling at the ceiling. 

"It's okay, Ryan," Thomas continued, "really. This isn't the first time we've had this talk, you're allowed to feel this strongly."

And that was true. He still remembered the first time, about a week and a half ago after they'd gotten back to LA, and Shane had grabbed his stuff from Ryan's apartment and hadn't returned since. Ryan hadn't known what to do, but had found himself at church, sobbing embarrassingly through mass. Father Thomas had gently guided him to his office afterward and he'd spilled everything. They'd met a few times after that, but this was the first time he'd tried to bring Shane with him. 

Ryan felt hot coals of shame and frustration in his stomach, "I thought it was getting better."

"You need to give these things time. This is the first time Shane's agreed to come along and-"

Ryan shook his head, "He didn't agree to come, I made him come."

Father Thomas' lips quirked, "Is that so?"

Ryan's frustration gave way to a deeper gut feeling of rejection, "He doesn't want anything to do with me," he whispered. 

"Ryan," Father Thomas' voice broke in, and he met his eyes with a gentle sternness. "If there's anything you should take away from the way Shane's been behaving since that night it's that he's as scared as you are."

Ryan scoffed, wiping any stray tears from his face with his free hand. "Shane's not scared of anything."

The father gave him a look, "I wouldn't be so sure about that. It sounds to me like  he's trying to keep you safe from himself." 

Ryan swallowed. "That's ridiculous."

"Maybe, maybe not," Father Thomas said, his eyes trailing over to the oak door that separated them from Shane's session with Father Carlos.

******

Shane felt like he was undergoing open-heart surgery without anesthesia. _"How long have you wanted to rape your boyfriend?" "I don't! I-I never wanted to do that..." "So, renounce with me, against sexual violence, in Jesus name..."_

He was angry and emotionally drained for much of it, ready to spit or fight Father Carlos, or just take off, but his fears kept him from leaving. If he could prevent this from happening again he had to try.

Then there was a breakthrough, somewhere between the confessing and the shouting and the hand on his forehead pressing into him Father Carlos' tone got softer and he said, "So we are here to say that, Shane has apologized, he has confessed, and there is nothing left, that is his fault, it isn't his fault, and we release forgiveness and peace on him now...." There was a lump in Shane's throat now and there was a cooling feeling that suddenly washed over Shane's body and he found himself sobbing in relief. 

******

Almost an hour had passed when Father Thomas decided to go check on the other men outside, and left Ryan alone in his office. Five minutes later the door opened, and Ryan looked up to see Shane standing in the doorway with red-rimed eyes. For the first time in almost two weeks Shane was looking at him, really looking at him. Ryan's heart gave a squeeze as he realized Shane had been crying, but there was this clarity in his expression, a clearness about him he hadn't seen since before that night. 

Ryan felt tears well up in his eyes again, but all he could say was "Shane?" 

Shane was on his knees before Ryan's chair in a second. "Ryan, I'm so sorry," he was saying, and Ryan felt hot tears streak down his cheeks as Shane took his hands in his own, kissing them over and over again while Ryan cried.

"I've missed you so much these past few weeks, I...I was trying to do what I thought was right, but I realize now that I've been an idiot."  Ryan was nodding fervently, and Shane let out a watery laugh. "I don't know why you still want this ugly mug around, but if you'll have me I'll do whatever it takes to help you through this, baby." Ryan pulled his hands out of Shane's so he could pull him into a messy, teary kiss.

"I've missed you so much," Ryan hiccuped, and Shane was now crying too, "I'm so sorry, baby." He pressed smeary, wet kisses against the corner of Ryan's mouth, "This is all my fault, I should have listened to you in the first place, I should have taken you seriously..." 

"Shane, you can't blame yourself for what happened," Ryan sniffed, "It's not your fault...I'm the one who asked you to check it out, to go without me, you were trying to be a good boyfriend..." 

"I think you'll find that blaming yourselves for what happened won't be the solution," Father Thomas' voice broke in, and the boys looked up from their moment of intimacy, having almost forgotten where they were. Shane would have stood up but Ryan's grip on his sweater kept him from moving.

"But coming for counseling and prayer, communicating openly, and maybe being more careful in the future should help, hmm?"

Shane took Ryan's hands back in his own and gave them a squeeze, meeting Father Thomas' gaze with a smile, "Yes, father." He knew now they'd do whatever it takes to stay together and walk in the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me through all this! It kinda got away from me, but I'm hoping to write more of these two in the future.


End file.
